UCLA

So yes, in the middle of my miscarriage Grandpa Bulloch had surgery.  Mom, Becca, gramma Bulloch and I drove down to UCLA Friday, June 19th.  Brent and Troy met us at the hospital where Grampa was already checked in and in a bed.  I guess the staff has certain rules about how many visitors at a time, but through the "power of the Pen" they nurse allowed us all to be in the room at the same time.

Grampa had a cancerous tumor on his parotid gland that was huge and painful.  The surgery was pretty risky, considering all the facial nerves are right there, and that he has diabetes and a bad heart.  But I had asked the ENT surgeons I work with about his surgery, Dr. Keith Blackwell, and they all said he was well known and a great surgeon.  We took turns going down to the cafeteria to eat and visit grampa.  Then after grampa went in to surgery, we went to check in to our hotel.  Roger got us rooms at a nearby hotel and our room faced directly to the LA temple. It was beautiful.

Us girls went and got lunch, then made our way back to the hospital to wait.  We sat in the hallway on some benches with Troy and Brent and watched a movie on grampa's phone.  Bruce and His Fiance, can't remember her name, came and met us and they were there briefly before the Dr came down.  The surgery lasted 3.5 hours and he told us everything went well.  He got the tumor and did a little bit of a face lift to graft that skin.  He also saved 2 of the 3 facial nerves that branched in that area.  The one he didn't save, ran directly through the tumor.  It is the  nerve that makes you grimace.  

We felt so much relief and happiness.  I knew that grampa was scared, but we feel very fortunate that the Dr was as amazing as he is.  Bruce took us out to dinner while they got grampa to his room and out of recovery.  Then we went to the hospital to check on him.  He looked so good! Roger drove up to meet us, we said a family prayer and it was a very testimony strengthening and spiritual.  

Saturday roger brought us breakfast.  we took gramma to the hospital and spent the morning in and out of the hospital visiting grampa or shopping/eating nearby.  Grampa was recovering so well that his progress we were told he could go home the following Monday, which he was. 

The priesthood is real.  The Lord makes those testaments stronger each and everyday through our experiences.  I am so grateful for a family where the gospel/priesthood is important.  I am also so grateful to have the knowledge of the gospel and do not take that for granted.  I am truly blessed.

Heartbreak

Last Week, June 18 I was at work and noticed a lot of blood in my stool.  Gross, but I was a little freaked out.  Blood in the stool is usually a really bad thing.  I asked one of my coworkers about it, she told me not to freak out but would recommend me seeing a dr.  We have GI doctors at the surgery center, so I was going to ask them, but then never got the chance.

That night my mom, Becca, and Gramma Bulloch came to stay with us so that we could drive down to LA for grampa's surgery the next day.  So Friday, the next morning, my stomach was still pretty sore and I was cramping, and I noticed a little blood, but not as much as the day before.

I talked to my mom about it and I had also had my thyroid checked on base the week before, so while waiting at the hospital before grampa's surgery, my dr on base called to let me know my thyroid results came back normal, so I told her about the blood.  She told me to make an appointment on base to have a stool sample done and make sure everything is ok.

Even though I was still very uncomfortable and sore, I decided to ride out the weekend and enjoy being in LA with my mom, Becca and other Bulloch family for grampa.

Monday Came and I had an easy day at work, so i asked the charge nurse if I could go make an appointment on base to find out what the bleeding was caused by.  I told my pcm on base what was going on, what I was feeling, and asked to do a blood pregnancy test.  I realized maybe I was pregnant and I was uncomfortable because of that.  I had some blood work done and did a stool sample and then was sent to do my thing for the week.

Thursday I was at work, and got a call from one of the nurses on base.  She told me that my pregnancy test tested positive for pregnancy but that the HCG levels seemed really low and since my last period, it should have been higher.  She told me they wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure there was no ectopic pregnancy or see if I was just early on in the pregnancy.  So I told my charge nurse what was happening and she let me leave to go do the ultrasound.  I met Zach at the clinic and we went in for the ultrasound.  The US tech was making really uncomfortable faces.  I was slightly excited then gradually nervous and sad.  After the ultrasound she told me that she needed to talk to the Dr first before she could tell me the results of the ultrasound, but since the dr's were on lunch, we would have to wait a little.  

So we went to the BX to kill time.  I was gradually starting to cramp, and it was hurting pretty bad.  I usually have pretty bad cramping during my periods and I just wanted to die!  We went in and bought me some Midol, but really just wanted to sit in the car.  I curled in a ball and rocked back and forth.  We went back to the clinic to wait on the phone call from the Dr. When the US tech finally called, she said I was good to go.  I asked her if I was supposed to be in so much pain.  She told me to wait and then she called the dr.  We waited 30 more minutes and Zach was getting impatient too.  He finally went and put my name back on the list to go back to the US tech.  She called back and told me she was sorry I was in so much pain and that she didn't see a pregnancy.  She told me the dr should have called and apologized that they hadn't.  So we started to leave and as we were getting out to the car, the RN called us back in. She was with my PCM.  They pulled us into a room and told us that because of the low levels of HCG and the fact that the US showed no pregnancy, i could be having an ectopic pregnancy.  They informed me that since I was in so much pain, to go to the ER.  

So we did, and we did all the tests again.  We did another US and more blood tests.  And we waited 4 hours for test results.  It was a very long day.  But they sent us home at about 8:30pm.  I already knew I had a miscarriage, but they still wanted me to go back 48 hours later to make sure my HCG levels went down.

They did.  We were diagnosed with a complete miscarriage.  

It's been a pretty rough week.  This was a sad day for us.  Almost excited to be pregnant, and then sad at the end of the day with a miscarriage.  Zach and I have grown a lot! We have definitely grown stronger and closer.  I am grateful to be married to him and be growing through all this with him.

We have had so much love and support shown to us through our friends and family, and we definitely see The Lord's hands in all of this.  We've been told "these things happen." which they do, but it doesn't make it any easier.  

I truly feel the Lord is preparing us and my body to have a baby.  We could wait longer but I am now knowledgeable about what my body needed to have this pregnancy that will prepare me for the next one.  Unfortunately we had to learn in a rough way, but Heavenly Father needed me to know what I need to do.  So Zach and I can move forward with our growing family.

We had people tell us things like “maybe it’s not the right time” and we could easily have given up, but in my heart I just knew there was a reason.  Why would it have felt right to have a baby the months leading up to the miscarriage and then all of a sudden it wasn’t right?  I knew and felt strongly in my heart that there was more than this miscarriage.  I knew that the Lord needed me to keep trying, and that I have babies waiting for their mortal life and they were rooting me on to get some help.

Heavenly Father knows us,  There is a plan for us.  He wants us to be happy.