That's Where I Want to Be

Luckily the day after I found out Balboa wasn’t an option, I was able to get a new referral right away to another fertility clinic. The one our insurance referred us to is right down in Beverly Hills, which means that we are closer to home.  We can get there in a few hours and if I need to make the drive alone, I can manage. 

We had our initial appointment with our doctor and we both are really excited about him.  He is top rated in the nation, works in some of the top hospitals in LA and did his fertility studies in London where the first “test tube baby” was made(??) 

As amazing as it is to have modern medicine, and be able to still get pregnant with science, I still feel guilty that I can’t get pregnant naturally.  And I feel guilty that we have to pay a lot of money that others don’t have to, to get pregnant.  We’ve had mixed emotions about getting pregnant and trying to get through this process before Zach leaves. 

Are we putting too much pressure on ourselves?  When I look at everything that has happened, I could still be blindly trying clomid.  I could have been with a doctor that never recommended a HSG.  I could be waiting on Balboa.  But we are where we are for a reason.  I felt strongly to switch doctors, who recommended a test to diagnose why I wasn’t getting pregnant.  And when Balboa fell through, we got into this new fertility clinic right away, with a perfect amount of time to get a cycle done before Zach leaves.  How divinely designed is everything? 

I’m not ever saying that I have been really happy about the situation, but I can tell you it’s so much easier to look back and realize that there is a plan for us.  And everything that has happened, has happened for a reason.  Zach and I continue to grow stronger and stronger everyday.  And when I have a hard day, he will grab me and sweetly say,  “you worry about being healthy and stress free, and I will worry about the rest.”