I finally had an appointment with an OB/GYN.   Apparently it takes 3 months to get an initial appointment around this place.  So frustrating.  I liked the Dr.  I had worked with her many times, but when I went in to my appointment she had no idea who I was.  I guess I look completely different with scrubs and a mask on.  Even when I told her who I was and how I knew her, she faked a realization of who I am. 

She prescribed me clomid.  Then sent me away to come back in 3 months.  So not only did she give me a RX for crying pills, she wasn’t going to monitor me to see if it was working.  Something did not sit right with me.  I felt like I wasn’t being listened to, and also felt left in the dark with some pills to shut me up. 

After talking to a friend that had gone through similar stuff, she told me how her dr monitored her with blood tests and ultrasounds during each cycle.  I needed that! 

I need to switch doctors. I do not need to be wasting my time.  

UCLA

So yes, in the middle of my miscarriage Grandpa Bulloch had surgery.  Mom, Becca, gramma Bulloch and I drove down to UCLA Friday, June 19th.  Brent and Troy met us at the hospital where Grampa was already checked in and in a bed.  I guess the staff has certain rules about how many visitors at a time, but through the "power of the Pen" they nurse allowed us all to be in the room at the same time.

Grampa had a cancerous tumor on his parotid gland that was huge and painful.  The surgery was pretty risky, considering all the facial nerves are right there, and that he has diabetes and a bad heart.  But I had asked the ENT surgeons I work with about his surgery, Dr. Keith Blackwell, and they all said he was well known and a great surgeon.  We took turns going down to the cafeteria to eat and visit grampa.  Then after grampa went in to surgery, we went to check in to our hotel.  Roger got us rooms at a nearby hotel and our room faced directly to the LA temple. It was beautiful.

Us girls went and got lunch, then made our way back to the hospital to wait.  We sat in the hallway on some benches with Troy and Brent and watched a movie on grampa's phone.  Bruce and His Fiance, can't remember her name, came and met us and they were there briefly before the Dr came down.  The surgery lasted 3.5 hours and he told us everything went well.  He got the tumor and did a little bit of a face lift to graft that skin.  He also saved 2 of the 3 facial nerves that branched in that area.  The one he didn't save, ran directly through the tumor.  It is the  nerve that makes you grimace.  

We felt so much relief and happiness.  I knew that grampa was scared, but we feel very fortunate that the Dr was as amazing as he is.  Bruce took us out to dinner while they got grampa to his room and out of recovery.  Then we went to the hospital to check on him.  He looked so good! Roger drove up to meet us, we said a family prayer and it was a very testimony strengthening and spiritual.  

Saturday roger brought us breakfast.  we took gramma to the hospital and spent the morning in and out of the hospital visiting grampa or shopping/eating nearby.  Grampa was recovering so well that his progress we were told he could go home the following Monday, which he was. 

The priesthood is real.  The Lord makes those testaments stronger each and everyday through our experiences.  I am so grateful for a family where the gospel/priesthood is important.  I am also so grateful to have the knowledge of the gospel and do not take that for granted.  I am truly blessed.

Heartbreak

Last Week, June 18 I was at work and noticed a lot of blood in my stool.  Gross, but I was a little freaked out.  Blood in the stool is usually a really bad thing.  I asked one of my coworkers about it, she told me not to freak out but would recommend me seeing a dr.  We have GI doctors at the surgery center, so I was going to ask them, but then never got the chance.

That night my mom, Becca, and Gramma Bulloch came to stay with us so that we could drive down to LA for grampa's surgery the next day.  So Friday, the next morning, my stomach was still pretty sore and I was cramping, and I noticed a little blood, but not as much as the day before.

I talked to my mom about it and I had also had my thyroid checked on base the week before, so while waiting at the hospital before grampa's surgery, my dr on base called to let me know my thyroid results came back normal, so I told her about the blood.  She told me to make an appointment on base to have a stool sample done and make sure everything is ok.

Even though I was still very uncomfortable and sore, I decided to ride out the weekend and enjoy being in LA with my mom, Becca and other Bulloch family for grampa.

Monday Came and I had an easy day at work, so i asked the charge nurse if I could go make an appointment on base to find out what the bleeding was caused by.  I told my pcm on base what was going on, what I was feeling, and asked to do a blood pregnancy test.  I realized maybe I was pregnant and I was uncomfortable because of that.  I had some blood work done and did a stool sample and then was sent to do my thing for the week.

Thursday I was at work, and got a call from one of the nurses on base.  She told me that my pregnancy test tested positive for pregnancy but that the HCG levels seemed really low and since my last period, it should have been higher.  She told me they wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure there was no ectopic pregnancy or see if I was just early on in the pregnancy.  So I told my charge nurse what was happening and she let me leave to go do the ultrasound.  I met Zach at the clinic and we went in for the ultrasound.  The US tech was making really uncomfortable faces.  I was slightly excited then gradually nervous and sad.  After the ultrasound she told me that she needed to talk to the Dr first before she could tell me the results of the ultrasound, but since the dr's were on lunch, we would have to wait a little.  

So we went to the BX to kill time.  I was gradually starting to cramp, and it was hurting pretty bad.  I usually have pretty bad cramping during my periods and I just wanted to die!  We went in and bought me some Midol, but really just wanted to sit in the car.  I curled in a ball and rocked back and forth.  We went back to the clinic to wait on the phone call from the Dr. When the US tech finally called, she said I was good to go.  I asked her if I was supposed to be in so much pain.  She told me to wait and then she called the dr.  We waited 30 more minutes and Zach was getting impatient too.  He finally went and put my name back on the list to go back to the US tech.  She called back and told me she was sorry I was in so much pain and that she didn't see a pregnancy.  She told me the dr should have called and apologized that they hadn't.  So we started to leave and as we were getting out to the car, the RN called us back in. She was with my PCM.  They pulled us into a room and told us that because of the low levels of HCG and the fact that the US showed no pregnancy, i could be having an ectopic pregnancy.  They informed me that since I was in so much pain, to go to the ER.  

So we did, and we did all the tests again.  We did another US and more blood tests.  And we waited 4 hours for test results.  It was a very long day.  But they sent us home at about 8:30pm.  I already knew I had a miscarriage, but they still wanted me to go back 48 hours later to make sure my HCG levels went down.

They did.  We were diagnosed with a complete miscarriage.  

It's been a pretty rough week.  This was a sad day for us.  Almost excited to be pregnant, and then sad at the end of the day with a miscarriage.  Zach and I have grown a lot! We have definitely grown stronger and closer.  I am grateful to be married to him and be growing through all this with him.

We have had so much love and support shown to us through our friends and family, and we definitely see The Lord's hands in all of this.  We've been told "these things happen." which they do, but it doesn't make it any easier.  

I truly feel the Lord is preparing us and my body to have a baby.  We could wait longer but I am now knowledgeable about what my body needed to have this pregnancy that will prepare me for the next one.  Unfortunately we had to learn in a rough way, but Heavenly Father needed me to know what I need to do.  So Zach and I can move forward with our growing family.

We had people tell us things like “maybe it’s not the right time” and we could easily have given up, but in my heart I just knew there was a reason.  Why would it have felt right to have a baby the months leading up to the miscarriage and then all of a sudden it wasn’t right?  I knew and felt strongly in my heart that there was more than this miscarriage.  I knew that the Lord needed me to keep trying, and that I have babies waiting for their mortal life and they were rooting me on to get some help.

Heavenly Father knows us,  There is a plan for us.  He wants us to be happy.

A new Job

At the end of March, I quit my job at AV Surgical Institute.  I didn't have another job lined up, but I was hopeful and at peace that it was the right thing to do.  I was not happy working there and would come home cranky and it was really affecting me and Zach.  So I asked him if he was ok with me quitting and only having his income.

I found a job posting for a per diem tech position at the hospital and applied, then the following morning I got a call for a job interview!! It was so quick! I interviewed the next week, and used Dr. Boghossian, a podiatrist I worked with, as my reference.  After I left the interview, Dr. B texted me saying he felt confident I got the job. And the next day I got a call saying that if my background check went through, they would call with the job offer.

It's amazing how quick it all worked out!!  I was afraid to quit AVSI sooner because I didn't have anything else lined up.  I like to have a plan and a safety net.  But for some reason, I felt strong to have faith in the Lord and know that if I put my trust in Him, everything would fall into place.  And it did!!

The following week, I got the job offer, I got all my paperwork turned in, and I started working the week after that!  I have truly been blessed!  I was even hoping to have a little time to go to Vegas or something, but it didn't happen.  

I guess it was a blessing I started working so soon, because financially it has worked out.  We had planned a Disneyland trip with Mel and Jill's families at the end of April, and even though we had a little bit of money from our tax refund, my paycheck helped out a lot too.  

The job has been great.  Even though I was hired on per diem, I am in a 6 month orientation period so I work full time.  It's great! Although I am exhausted, I am getting paid almost double what I was.  The staff at the hospital is great too.  Everyone is so nice, plus I don't have to do everything!!  There is someone to clean instruments, order supplies, everyone helps pull cases, and I feel so much relief!

I am learning so much, and meeting a lot of really great people and doctors.  I also have been told that since one of the techs is retiring in July, I can apply for her position.  She is part time, which means I would get benefits, extra money and a set schedule.  That is something I want, a set schedule.  The hardest part is everyday being up at a different time.  I am so tired, my eye twitches haha.

I am grateful for the guidance of the spirit and knowing that I have a Heavenly Father who is mindful of me.  And that when we are faithful and obedient, He will bring forth blessings.  I am grateful for a supportive husband, and that he is in-tune with the spirit also.  We have been so blessed.

Primary President

At the end of 2014 I was called as Primary President.  My first thought, "what are you guys thinking?" I don't want to screw up the kids. :) I started out a brand new year learning all the kids, figuring out who was who, and with my amazing presidency, trying to get classes situated.

I didn't even know that you could take callings with "conditions."  We had teachers come to us and say, "I will teach but not my kids,"  or "I will teach, but not the young/older kids."  I always was taught that the leadership would call you as they felt inspired, and I don't understand how I can get these ultimatums.  

But March came along and we finally got the classes figured out.  It was really hard not having the class sizes too big or combining ages without leaving a class size of 1.  And then getting the teachers what they want.  Eventually I had to have a primary meeting giving them a substitute list, and also letting them know that I was really doing my best to give everyone what they wanted, but at the end of the day its about the children.  I needed them to be prepared to teach the children and put them first.

It's been successful and I am loving my calling.  Even with the challenges, I am loving my teachers and the kids and have grown so much in this calling.  I also have become so emotional too!  I don't know what it is!  But I cry more often than not! And even Zach notices it too from commercials or tv shows that have emotional stories and I bawl in the corner.  Ha!

I am so grateful for my calling and for my responsibilities.  I am grateful for the love of the children and all that they teach me.  I am also grateful that I cannot stop thinking about what I can do to help them and that I am in tune with the spirit.  I unfortunately have too many kids on our list that are not coming to primary and it makes me really sad.  So I've been making it my priority to find them.

It's definitely been a fun ride and I am grateful for where we are at.  I could not do anything without Zach  being so supportive of me.  He's the greatest and I am blessed with an amazing husband.  

I work hard for the Money

After Zach and I got married, I was pretty worried about finding a job in Lancaster.  Getting a surg tech job in general is tricky, but being a recent grad with no experience frightened me.  I gave myself a few days after we got married to actually get my resume caught up and ready to go.  I searched online for surgery centers/hospitals around here.  I had no idea of any of them were even hiring, but I wanted to drop by my resume anyway and introduce myself.  I only dropped my resume off at 2 locations: Antelope Valley surgical institute and a private spine surgeon in palmdale.  I got a call back for an interview with the spine surgeon, so the morning of that interview, Zach and I decided to take a trip to the LA temple to do a session.

On our way, I got a phone call from AVSI wanting me to go in and fill out an application.  I stopped by on our way home from the temple and while Zach sat in the car, I went inside and filled out an application.  This was a Thursday.  After I gave them my application, the office manager told me her supervisor wanted to do a quick interview with me.  She basically gave me the job on the spot, wanting me to start the following Monday.  But I also knew I had another job interview right after! So I accepted slightly knowing I was going to have to make a decision.

I went to the other job interview at the spine surgery center, and the Dr was great! He wanted me to be his private scrub and wanted me to start the following Monday also.  I would be getting paid the same, but had to sit down and weight my options.

I prayed about it, but I knew ultimately that it was my decision.  As much as I would have loved to be a private scrub, I decided to work at AVSI for more experience.  I was hired to be the only scrub tech, but also in charge of sterile processing, ordering supplies, stocking, and helping recover patients on pain management days.  It was a lot to handle!!

But as much as I have loved scrubbing in for those doctors, I have some serious issues with management.  Laura, our office manger, is really hard to work for.  She has serious double standards and is rude about how she handles things.  I just got really fed up with being treated horrible. In November 2014, I put in a two week notice to quit working there.  But after the first week, even though she kept trying to talk me into staying, it took a podiatry dr, dr boghossian to talk me into staying.  He told me I needed to tell Laura how inappropriate she treats me, and tell her not to treat me like crap.  So i did, and I also asked for the two weeks of Christmas off:)  She kindly accepted my offer.  So i stayed!  

But the last Month or so I started getting real fed up with it all over again.  About a month ago, I went in to quit again, but just telling her how unhappy i am, she offered for me to just work part time, so it would give me some time to look for another job and also to relieve stress.  Honestly, it hasn't relieved much stress.  It's been great leaving after only a few hours, but I feel more guilt when I leave and know I have a lot of stuff to do but am relying on someone else to do it.  The worst part is coming in the next day to find that those things never got done and I would just get chewed out for not having them done.  

So even without a new job lined up, I called on a Saturday, (when she couldn't talk me into staying) and told her I was quitting for good.  She atleast recognized that I tried to make it work, and said she noticed how unhappy I have been and could see it in my face.  She told me she just wants me to be happy.  

This is my second week, and yesterday I had an interview with AV hospitals outpatient clinic.  They see a lot of the same Drs, so that helps a lot.  Dr Boghossian is one of my references and he said he felt confident when they called that I got the job.  

I try not to get my hopes up, in case someone else is more fitting for the job.  But regardless I have been so much happier just knowing I won't have to go back to AVSI.  I've even been playing my piano a lot more!! I noticed I play more when I am happier and it makes Zach happier too.

Now it's just a waiting game, and a lot of praying.  Today at work though, Dr. Mahendra, a general/CV doctor I work with, decided to call the director of the outpatient center and give them a good referral too.  I'm totally ok with that!!

I am hopeful something good will happen with all this.  I have learned so much the past few months, and I am grateful for all the Dr.s I have been able to learn from.  Especially in this small area I live in, it really helps to have the dr's have confidence in me.  

I also have to recognize how grateful I am for Zach for putting up with my whiney negativity after coming home from work.  It's so unfair to him to lay out my stresses on him or take it out on him and I just hope that I don't have to put him through any of that again.

Love at Last

Oh if only I would have looked up this sort of online journaling a lot sooner.  I have one from right after my mission that I should probably go locate and print up.

I am excited to journal from my computer and then know I can print it into a book later:)

Anyway, Zach and I have been married 9 months and I have recorded in a journal 0 times.  I started a blog and wrote once.  The idea of blogging just doesn't appeal to me, but I know that I have needed to get back into the habit of writing in a journal.  I have had such a great testimony of writing in a journal and then because I wanted to "forget" hard times in my life, I purposely chose not to write.  Now it's been years and I never got back into the habit and therefore have lost a lot of great memories.  

Memories like, Zach and me!! 

So here's our story:

After going to Europe with Roger and Megan, I had a job lined up in Washington, D.C.  I was going to move across the country and start a completely new life, meet new people, and see where life took me.  But when we got home, Grandma Bulloch was having more complications with her Alzheimers and i felt that I was in a good place in my life to be able to help her if needed.  And I felt strongly to stay in Las Vegas and find a job.  One of my good friends, Stephanie Cope, texted me one day with a physical therapy tech position at a PT clinic the dr she was working for referred their patients to.

I applied on a Wednesday, interviewed that Thursday, got the call later that day and was hired!! I started the following Monday.  It all happened so quick and felt so right!  I started working at Rapid Rehab PT in the Southwest and loved my job!!  I think I started working in Sept of 2011.  I decided that following spring term to go back to school.  I enrolled at CSN in a chemistry class to get the chemistry and physics classes for pre-req's for PA school, so I was going to be taking night classes.  January came and Zach was hired to cover for me while I went to school the last couple hours of the evening.

That's how we met.  He remembers me more after those initial first months than I do of him.  I was dating someone else when we met, and unfortunately didn't pay much attention to him.  He was younger and my coworker and I honestly didn't even think for a second he had any interest in me.  

I think it was about July 2012 that Zach asked me on a date, but I was so oblivious to him having any interest in me I honestly thought he just wanted to see a movie with me because he had no other close friends in Las Vegas.  So when he invited me to see a Batman movie, I invited another friend along, Rachael Slaughter.  She even asked me on the way if she was interrupting a date, and I told her that we were just friends. Ha! Whoops!  Zach thought I was trying to set him up with her! But when I made sure to sit in between the two of them, since I was the one who knew both of them, he realized I actually did want to sit by him.  And that's when I started to get a little crush on him too.

We started hanging out more, and had our first kiss when he had come over to my grandma Avance's (that's where I was living) to watch a movie with me.  Elf.  In the middle of the summer.  I kissed him.

Then I started inviting him to meet my family.  But I had told him right away that I wanted a temple marriage and didn't see anything serious happening with us. He wasn't a member of the LDS church and I didn't even think he had an interest.  But eventually he started asking questions and went to howard and cristi's to start taking the discussions.

Around Sept of 2012 I had moved up to live with Mel and Jake in Lehi to start surgical technology school.  Zach continued to take the discussions and decided to get baptized November of 2012.  I drove home for the baptism, he drove back to Utah with me, then he went to basic training in San Antonio, TX for the USAF.  

I started surgical tech school January 2013 when Zach graduated from Basic training.  He then went to tech school at Keesler AFB in Biloxi, MS until August 2013.  We continued our relationship via FaceTime, texts and phone calls, and a couple of visits from me.  It was not easy.  We both had a lot of stress from school and the worries about how our relationship would end up regardless of how we felt for each other.  Because at the end of the day, we had to remember that The Lord has a plan for us too. 

He graduated from tech school in August and then got stationed at Edwards AFB near Lancaster, CA.  It made things a little easier for us since we could see each other in Las Vegas on the weekends.  On December 24, 2013 Zach proposed to me while taking me shooting.

I graduated from surgical tech school in April 2014 and we got married June 14.

Our engagement was a little rough at first.  Zach's parents were not on board with us getting married.  They tried to talk us out of it or put it on hold, but we knew what needed to happen. So we knew that by moving forward with faith and making a temple marriage a priority, all other things would fall into place.  And they did! Eventually Gwynne's heart was softened. She and I were able to have dinner and have a heart to heart about the situation and she decided after the initial shock of her son getting married it was more important for her to be supportive. I know that because of our decision to be faithful, even though Zach really worried about losing his relationship with his family, his family came around and were very supportive of us.

Our wedding day was a complete blast.  We wished it would have lasted longer! And we could not have been more happy about how everything turned out and the love we felt from our close friends and families.

So now, 9 months later, we are living in Rosamond, CA still enjoying the married life and feeling blessed from seeing how the Lord has helped us along the way.